Holding What's Heavy

The last two days have been hard. Ugly hard. I’ve been a less-than-lovely version of myself, and a fresh wave of heaviness has crept in. Has it really only been three weeks??

I’m trying to let my heart groan, to join in the lament, but I will be the first to tell you that it’s not easy. I still have four boys who need me every waking minute. Silence seems like a joke most days and my deep breathing often interrupted.

Holding pain in the present is hard. There’s no formula for it. But I find a few things are helping:

• asking for forgiveness often

• recognizing my breaking point and letting my husband know when I need to hide upstairs for a bit

• talking to God constantly, as unfiltered as possible

• crying

• getting up early to read my Bible

• enjoying smiling and laughter when it comes

• creating with my hands when my heart has had too much

These things help me be right here, not ridding myself of the ache but being present in it with both God and my people. Of digging my hands down into this earth I have been given—as rocky and barren as it might seem.

Does today feel heavy? Consider this a safe space for you to lay it down. Feel free to say what’s been hard or what’s been helping in the comments, or share this article for others who may be in a similar place.